ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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