shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
