I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
