i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
