Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
