Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
