she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
