note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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