I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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