i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
