Screwed.edu
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
