What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
