i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
