I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
