So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
