next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
how drunk are you?
Several
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
