small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
