I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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