She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
