when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
