i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
