Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
