I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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