Please, let me fuck your mom
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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