I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
