i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
