Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
