I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
