there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
