Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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