The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
