I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
