Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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