i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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