hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
