he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
