Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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