Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
