I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
