The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
