Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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