Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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