I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
