Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
