Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My vagina just recognized that song.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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