I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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