I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
