saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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