My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
