Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
