"it" just moved
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
