How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
