My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
