bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
