New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He has the fingertips of a God
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