i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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