hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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