so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
