Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
