billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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