this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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